In February, we lost our beautiful White German Shepherd to old age and a ruptured spleen. This was a heartbreaking day for everybody and the kids and I cried a lot of tears. They still talk about him all the time and imagine what he’s doing in Heaven. David even had a dream that he went to Heaven and saw the angel Gabriel playing with Lucas. He said that Lucas was running super fast and jumping really high with his (Lucas’) mother and that Gabriel told him, “Always remember this dream.” Recently, Josiah said that he wanted to die and go to Heaven to be with Lucas. Norman, not understanding Jojo’s speech told him, “You have to wait until after you finish your breakfast.” So Jojo’s eyes got really big and he looked at Norman and said, “What…..DIE??” Haha. The next day, when Benjamin told me that he wanted to die and be with Jesus, Josiah, quickly let me know, “I no want to die.” The kids were so depressed by Lucas’ passing that we decided to get a new dog right away. I’ve always been a big dog person—but with all the young children and hyper-activity in this house, we went with a small poodle/terrier mix. She doesn’t shed and she’s very playful and smart and she’s white just like Lucas. This little dog brings lots of joy to everyone. We still have one large dog—a 12 year old Vizsla, and he will probably pass away in a year or two as well…poor guy is really slowing down and turning grey:(
In my desire not to embarrass any of my children, nor to be negative, I might make this whole ‘adopting seven kids in four years’ thing seem easy, or maybe give the impression that I’m just so good at it and so it’s worked out for me. I really have an aversion to speaking negative things over my family or my life…..I feel that once I start telling the world, “This child is like this, or this child and I really clash,” etc. it will solidify the problem and make things less likely to change. And so, usually I wait until after things have turned for the better before sharing….so that I can share the real struggles of adoption but not make it seem hopeless. That being said, I’ll share that over the winter months I was having a difficult time with two of my children (not the Bulgarian boys) who were just so hyper-active, couldn’t or wouldn’t stay on task, and who goofed off All. Day. Long. I was beginning to be angry all the time... “Are you seriously still sitting here doing that math lesson?” or “You’ve been up here for three hours and your bedroom is still a mess!?” or “WHY ARE YOU ON THE FLOOR WRESTLING WHEN YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR SCHOOL WORK??!!” With one of them, it was getting to the point that we didn’t even like each other for a while....personality clashing at it's finest.... and sometimes I'd just feel annoyed and think, "Well, it's not my fault....this child is just going to have to learn what we expect and straighten out," And then conviction would set in and I'd take it to the Lord saying, “God, I cannot have this attitude toward this child. I cannot have this child grow up without a mother…..and right now I feel no motherly love toward this child! God help me, please!” Then I changed around the way we manage our home school day and that helped tremendously. But the Lord also did something for me and the one child who I couldn’t tolerate. This child decided to read the entire book of Revelation one day, and after reading the whole book, the said child came down to me and said they felt a change in their life. From that time, I haven’t gotten the normal bad attitude when asked to do something, and this child is now much nicer to the other kids....no more bullying or condescending. I know it’s something I will continually need to keep before the Lord, and that the child….and I….will probably need to read that Book of Revelation many more times! lol…..but these last two weeks I have felt so much more kindness and appreciation for this child of mine, and I’m thankful because this child needs a mom who loves them with all her heart! And so that is my request to God….to open up my heart towards all of my children so that they will feel loved the same as if they were all my biological children.